That intuitive pull…

Ever struggle to trust yourself? Your thoughts, instincts, and feelings?⠀
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I do. ⠀
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For a tangible practice, make a list of every time you had an intuitive pull…no matter how big or small…only to be affirmed later on. Even if you didn’t act on it in the moment. ⠀
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The other day, as I drove to Portland, my mind whizzed back to June, 2018…⠀
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Gram had started experiencing some very random setbacks in her health: slurred speech, difficulty walking, poor balance, and trouble with fine motor skills. Boom. Overnight. ⠀
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I remember my stomach sinking as I put the pieces together. I knew. I KNEW it was ALS. I stayed positive and didn’t want to scare her, but I felt this deep, terrified assurance about where we were headed.⠀
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For the next two months, I fought relentlessly to get her into the U of M ALS Clinic. I nagged her PCP, called U of M weekly, and watched my inner fire rise. I realized how unafraid I could be to make waves. ⠀
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If you’ve ever tried to get into a specialist, you know the difficulty. It felt impossible. Yet, there I was, zero medical expertise, trying to convince U of M to see her because I was SURE she had a very rare, difficult to diagnose neurological condition only they were qualified to treat. ⠀
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I didn’t care how others saw me or that I might be wrong. I wasn’t afraid to be foolish or make eyes roll. Comfort zone be damned. Gram was sick and I was convinced I knew why. ⠀
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If you’ve been here for a while, you know how the story ends. By the grace of God, U of M agreed to see Gram in September. After a full day of testing, we watched Dr. Feldman confirm, “Sandy, you have a disease called ALS.” She died five months later.
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And so my thoughts ended the other day with…what if I trusted all my intuitive nudges with that level of ferocity? ⠀
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We all have that capacity, friends. And you might have similar moments as this if you give it some thought. Be fearless in the pursuit of your own truth and trust your body to reveal it. I know we live in a world that glorifies fear and submission, but we can choose boldness. ⠀
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I’m a major work in progress, but am here to share my experience in the trenches.